Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Tomorrow I might sleep in (written during Melbourne Lockdown)

With stealth the tiredness it sneaks up on you                   hiding in your drawers, on your clothes

it doesn’t wash off even with softener                           it just grows 

and grows

- usually the weekend gives you a break but it's back there waiting on Monday

you don’t notice   there isn’t time and there’s so much to do you know

before the days end

before the weeks end

before the end of the month                  maybe before the years out or before your candle’s out

Quickly wish so you don’t miss the chance to take a breath and wonder how crazy and weird and strange and sad and awful this whole thing is 

lately it’s been like 

– move quickly 

get it done get organised get buying get working get running

get ready

before the virus comes

fill up the pantry

stock up on toilet rolls

face masks fill the freezer flour

even the seedlings were gone when I got there

and the Easter eggs 

soon all the wine will be sold too then it’s the lock down the shut-down,

the count down the wind down or is that the wind up?

the kids at home  the home school.

Camping in the backyard and everyone is working from the kitchen table 

but so too the un-employment

the queues

the lines the heartache, the loss

the deaths

Yes, that right by the 1000s

the anxiety, the sickness

not seeing your family but waving to anyone you pass on the other side of the street because you need to connect

you need to see a face

not through the computer or your phone it’s not the same, but it is how it has to be

What about the hospitals 

we’re ready, aren’t we? and everyone running – except around the park, or along the Tan

running to help to help out, to connect, to cook and sew, and garden and deliver food parcels or shopping online

connecting up with virtual this and virtual that except if you don’t own a computer or have the internet or a roof over your head.

We've done so well haven't we? why am I not convinced?

2nd month in and suddenly after running at this pace we’re tired

no wonder 

we know we are the lucky ones and we thank god it’s Friday

I think tomorrow I will sleep in. 

Monday, November 23, 2020

Managing My Tiredness At This Time Of Year

Yay - it's nearly Christmas, nearly the end of the year and I have no doubt that there are many like me who are really looking forward to a break.

I am really tired. Can I say that please without people thinking I am not coping or that I am not capable of seeing the year's work projects out.  I will get there, but this is a tiredness I want to talk about.

Not just end of week tired, end of month tired or even nearly end of year tired. It's more. It's the what we've gone through this year tired as well, I think.  

Having said that, I am not too tired to write this blog, but I am acutely aware of the energy I am having to muster to do so.  

I woke up this morning and to my simultaneous dismay and relief, heard and saw the rain outside my window.  Having said to myself before head hitting the pillow last night that I was going to start the day with a bike ride (which I know despite the effort, always makes me feel better afterwards), seeing the rain, I took another half hour of shut eye.  It's like this most mornings last few months - it takes a lot of enthusing to get going as I drag a weary body (and mind) through the paces of starting my day. 

Of course, come 9am when I am in-front of the computer screen, workday begun, I wish it hadn't rained. I wish I'd gone for a bike ride; I wish I didn't feel so tired, I wish the sun was shining. I wish my knee, or my wrist wasn't sore.  I wish I hadn't had the extra toast this morning, adding to the extra weight I carry. I wish, I wish. I wish.

So what is in this tiredness?  Is and if so, how different is it to the tiredness I usually feel this time every year?  Do I even remember this time last year? Worse still, where has this year gone anyway? How on earth did I/we get here so quickly as well.

Actually, I do remember this time last year.  I remember the excitement of having Christmas with the kids for the first time in Somers, in our new house.  The planning, the big tree (a real one) and making up family games for Christmas eve night!  Where did I get the energy from?  It certainly escapes me now.

So, with barely 5 weeks to go - till both Christmas day and a break, I think I need to give myself a few reminders (in the form of Notes to Self), to maintain and manage my energy levels till I take that break.  So that I have the energy and commitment to my work and that I leave enough spark for my family, my friends and myself to enjoy whatever it is we make of coming together and having some quality time and fun at this time of year. 

Notes to Self On Managing My Energy

1. Be Kind - to self and husband, no matter how grumpy your tiredness makes you feel.  

2. Get outside on your bike at least once every day - because you know it makes you feel humble and happy.

3. Walk on the beach at least every other day - because it grounds you, refreshes you and reminds you how awesome the sea is.

4. Set smaller daily and weekly goals - you know Rome wasn't built in a day, so stop trying to do everything now and pat yourself on the back each time you tick off a small task. 

5. Drink more water and less wine - you know your liver will thank you and you will also feel better each morning (and sleep better).

6. Treats are okay - but not for morning and afternoon tea and then again after dinner. Save them for Friday or Saturday night. 

7. Keep to your sleep routine - use that beautiful lavender spray Lisa gave you and burn the lavender oil as part of your bed-time routine. 7-8 hours sleep  is what you and your body needs (and you know it).

8. More Salads - just do it.

9. Don't over-plan your weekends - pace your social time out over the next few months. You don't have to see everyone before Christmas.

10. Breathe. 

I figure 10 is more than enough - for this week anyway. I am giving myself permission to revisit these little strategies, next Monday.

This might feel light-hearted, but I am also serious about my tiredness. I will take stock. 
Will pay attention to my tiredness, to my energy depletion and restoration and be more discerning about how and what I spend it on. 

Monday, November 2, 2020

What are you waiting for

 Why do we wait

What makes us hesitate 

When the road ahead is clear, 

just go for it